Helpful Labels:

1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A
TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN
THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP
UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION
FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN
ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A
SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5
MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.

9. On a packet of raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE
BREAKFAST CEREAL?

10. On a hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

11. On a bag of crisps - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.
DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)

12. On a bar of soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that
would be how?)

13. On dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late! You lose!)

14. On Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure?
let's experiment.)

15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit!
Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR
USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)

17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
(Now I'm curious.)

18. On peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain
nuts?)

19. On an airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I'm glad they cleared that up.)

20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS
OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT
ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood
fantasy!)

22. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.

24. On packaging for an iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

25. On 'Children's' cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE
MACHINERY.

26. On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)